Playing with Mistress Aria is torture.
Pure torture.
But I don't just mean the obvious stuff, like whippings and bondage.
What I also mean is that there's a mental torture component too. And one I'm not sure how much Aria is aware of.
Let me explain.
I don't live in Bangkok. So every now and then I travel to see my Mistress and spend some time in her dungeon. The way I plan it is that usually I make my visit at the beginning of a week-long business trip.
The reason is simple I don't want to arrive back home covered in bruises, bite marks and red weals from where Aria's whip left its pain. My wife would discover my dirty secret. And I'd have to explain everything; how I contacted Aria, how I pay money to be treated like Aria's dog, how she whips and humiliates me.
Even if she could understand my attraction to Aria, even if she could understand the pain/pleasure I get from worshiping my Mistress, my wife would be unlikely to accept the deception I've indulged in to serve Aria.
No, far better not to tell. And to make sure that she never has to find out.
By seeing Aria at the beginning of a trip, I get seven days for the marks to disappear and the bruises to fade.
So now you can begin to understand the mental torture component of when I'm with Aria.
What if this time she is so rough with me that the marks outlast my recovery period? What if she makes me bleed? What if she makes so makes marks in places for which there is no plausible explanation possible?
This is the dread that goes through me while I'm at Aria's mercy.
Usually the dread strikes me at the same time as Aria's first strikes. I'm always so pleased to see her and give her gifts that I forget for a moment how cruel she can be, how wickedly hard she can slap my face. That dread is always doubled when I'm first strapped to her cross or fastened into tight chains and the first cutting blows of Aria's riding crop divide my backside in two – alive and scalding.
The dread is maintained as she shaves my balls and drips wax onto them. For a split second after I feel the pattering weight of the incoming wax I think it is going to be alright. Then the heat floods through my most sensitive parts. And, before I recover, more drops come raining in. I ask myself how my balls can ever recover their normal color. Won't there be blotches and burns to see?
If I survive the waxing more thrashings usually follow. Usually Aria makes things more complicated second time around. Maybe she'll gag me and put wicked clamps on my nipples – she likes nipple torment more than me – while immobilizing my balls.
Whipping with the cane, I hate it. There's no pleasure to be had for me. There's no pleasant afterglow, no dull thud. Instead the cane shrieks through the air and stings forcefully wherever it lands. The only satisfaction to be had is knowing that my Mistress likes it. And from hearing her laughter.
What I dread after losing count of the blows is to hear Aria whisper in my ear, "only one hundred more, my slave." Best not to think too much about what another hundred will feel like. That would be torture.
What follows is the time when I have my darkest thoughts. What if the next 100 whippings leave the kind of marks that will not go away? My wife would be sure to find out.
What would happen if I broke down, couldn't take the punishment? What will Aria ask for as a reward for breaking me? Would she ask me to take her out shopping for some expensively slutty high heel shoes? (Done that before.) Or make me confess how madly in love with her I am? (She already knows.) Or would she ask me to bring my wife to the dungeon next time?
That scenario spins around my head as Aria thrashes me further. How do I tell my wife? As she is quite submissive herself, maybe my wife might understand how I enjoy Aria's dominance. But the chance of her wanting to watch me be humbled another woman is small. Especially by a woman as smart and sexy as Aria?
What if my wife finds Aria attractive? Aria dressed in rubber and wielding a crop is a powerful sight that could turn anyone one on. What if my wife wanted to submit to Aria?
Thoughts of my lovely wife kissing her new Mistress's feet, or her staring deeply into Aria's eyes as Aria puts clips on her nipples, haunt me while I continue to suffer Aria's caning.
I can't get the visions out of my head.
As Aria makes more marks on my bottom, I fantasize of Aria making usin the crop on my wife, while I'm made to watch. My wife on all fours as Aria takes her doggy style with a big black strap-on is an image that tortures me. My wife confessing her own true feelings for Aria.
This is torture.
Surely Aria knows what she's doing to me. She reads my mind so well in so many other ways.
She knows when to tease me and when to deny. She always knows exactly how much she can punish me, and each time we play how much she can expand my limits. Without laying a finger on me Aria always knows how to threaten, humiliate or shock.
So why stay silent? Why doesn't Aria mention the scenario with my wife?
Maybe she knows she does need to.
That just makes the torture worse.
